"Hey Vern Round Up the Cows We're..........

I decided to take a trip yesterday after the Michigan Michigan State game to East Lansing to see how much of the city the students would burn after MSU defeated Michigan in football. I like a good bon fire as much as the next guy so I didn't want to miss this opportunity.

When I got to East Lansing there were these two guys standing outside Spartan Stadium having a conversation. One was named Earl. Earl was about 55 years old, 5'6" tall and weighed 280 pounds. His face looked like an old piece of leather that has been left outside way to long. He wore and old insulated flannel shirt with the elbows worn out. Because of his stature the flannel shirt hung out over his beer gut and kept his feet shaded quite nicely. In that true Michigan fall fashion Earl wore an orange hunting cap. Earl also chewed tobacco as evidenced by the dried tobacco juice running down the corners of his mouth.

The other named Vern was 35 years old and 6'2" tall and weighed about 160 pounds. To say he looked like a telephone pole would be and understatement. His nickname was slim. Anyway Vern wore old Carhart bibs with the pant cuffs all but worn out due to them dragging on the ground for years. Underneath the bibs he had a old MSU hooded sweatshirt on with tattered sleeves. The hat he wore was one of those with silk screen printing,vinyl mesh back, looked like it had been soaked in used motor oil, left outside for a couple of years then washed in his mothers washing machine.The printing on the hat said "A BAD DAY FISHING IS BETTER THAN A GOOD DAY AT WORK." Vern had a stubble of straw sticking out of his mouth and held a Bud Light in his left hand.

Both are alumni of Michigan State in fact Earl is head of the Alumni Association.

This is part of an actual conversation that took place outside of Spartan Stadium on the campus of Michigan State between these two MSU alumni.

Earl: "Hey Vern round up the cows were takin' em home."

Vern: "What did ya say?" You see Vern was to busy watching the Coeds walking past on the opposite sidewalk to really care what Earl was saying to him.

Earl: "I said 'Git your head out of your ass and round up the god damn cows we're takin' em home!'"

Vern: "We're takin' em home? Why for?"

Earl: "Word comin' from the east of here that Sparty just beat those arrogant asses of Michigan and they'll need the football field after all."

Vern: "We're takin" em home? Oh darn it I was hoping we could leave em here to fatten up for the winter."

Earl: "If State would've lost to those arrogant asses then we could've of left the cows here to graze because State wouldn't need the football field anymore. They were gonna shut the program down."

Vern: "Why were they gonna shut down the program?"

Earl: "Well Michigan is so bad this year that everybody beats them like a dirty rug. If Sparty were to lose to them it would've been such an embarrassment the school was going to shut down the football program and let our cows graze on the lush grass of the football field."

Vern: "What's happened to those arrogant asses to the east? They always beat us like a rented mule."

Earl: "Not really sure but I heard they have a new coach and a new offense they are trying to learn, something called the dinner spread or something like that."

Vern: "What happened in the game?"

Earl: "Not really sure but I heard that Ringer guy had a big day. Also heard something about AA's defense giving up a lot of big plays."

Vern: "I thought AA's defense was suppose to be good this year?"

Earl: "Not really sure but I heard that Ringer guy had a 60 yard gain for a touchdown just before the end of the first half and one of AA's safteys took a bad angle and gave up a long pass play for a touchdown to start the game."

Vern: "Well regardless it a great victory for Sparty today."

Earl: "Yep, but it reminds me of that Japanese captain that said 'I'm afraid all we did today was awaken a sleeping giant' after they bombed Pearl Harbor." Earl is staring blankly to the east.

Vern: "You think we will back here next year?"

Earl: "Yep."

Vern: "Do we have to clean up all this cow shit?"

Earl: "Nope, I don't think anyone will notice."

Vern: "Can we go to the bon fire tonight?"

Earl: "Not really sure we have a lot of chores to get done tonight."

Time to talk Notre Dame football. Okay let's not turns out they had another bye week this week.

Michigan Tech didn't fare so well this week either. They lost to Saginaw Valley 40-23 yesterday at SVSU. If you want to read the article here is the link.

http://www.michigantechhuskies.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=18800&ATCLID=1611313

Here is this weeks top 5.

1. Texas
2. Alabama
3. Oklahoma
4. Texas Tech
5. Southern Cal

I still am not including Penn State in my top 5 because when I look at the teams in my top 5 and ask myself 'Can Penn State beat any of these teams?' I answer myself 'No!' I also dropped USC to No. 5 because of their less than impressive victory over Arizona. I think I may have them over rated.

My Heisman is as follows:

1. Colt McCoy - Texas
2. Tim Tebow - Florida
3. Gramham Harrel - Texas Tech

I think the Heisman race has come down to three finalist with Colt McCoy having a huge lead on the other two right now. Next Saturday will be interesting because Texas and Texas Tech play each other.

Vern and Earl Update:

Vern: "Hey Earl wake up I think we're lost."

Earl: "Cough, cough" Earl spits tobacco juice all over the cab of his 1978 Chevy truck. The truck is a beautiful two tone color of brown and white with most of the brown on the lower half of the truck being that lovely Michigan rust. When you look in the bed of the truck the first thing you notice is the fenders have rusted away years ago. As Earl likes to say "Now I can see how many cords are showing on the tires from inside the truck."

Earl: "What the ....., where are we? I was dreaming I was at a Motel 8 sitting around the pool watching all the babes. You better have a good reason for waking me up."

Vern: "I told you I think we are lost."

Earl: "You were suppose to turn left at US 127."

Vern: "I never saw US 127 so I kept drivin'."

Earl: "Awww jesus chr......were's the map."

Vern: "We don't got no map you always say you can find your way out of anywhere."

Earl: "You dumb ass .....look right there it says 'Ford Field.'"

Vern: "I don't know where Ford Field is but maybe we can ask one of these nice people coming out of the place for directions."

Earl: "Well I'll be a monkeys uncle you finally have a good idea for once in your miserable life."

Vern: "Let's ask this guy with a Michigan hat on carrying the sign that says 'Fire the Entire Lion Organization and Start Over NOW!!!'"

Earl: "Hey mister can you tell us how to get to US127?"

Mich Man: "Screw you, first my football team gets beat yesterday by Moo U and now today I had to endure another loss by the Lions. Go find your own way out of here. I'll bet you guys are Michigan State fans too."

Vern: "Yep" with his chest puffed out looking all proud "I was the valedictorian of my class too."

Mich Man: "That figures now I know I'm not helping you." The Mich Man jumps into his new 2008 Hummer SUV, fires up the motor and slams the transmission into drive and squeals the tires all the way out of the parking lot and heads west.

Vern: "Jeez Earl what was his problem?"

Earl: "I don't know but what a moron. Hey let's ask this guy over here with the CMU hat on and wearing the Washington Redskins sweat shirt. Hey buddy little help over here, can you tell us where we are at?"

Redskins Fan: "Sure you are in Detroit at Ford Field where the Detroit Lions play."

Vern: "Detroit Lions? Aren't they a football team?"

RF: "Well yeah, at least they pretend to be. They haven't won a game all year."

Earl: "Sounds like that team in Ann Arbor."

RF: "Haha boy how the mighty have fallen, it kind of reminds of Notre Dame a couple of years ago."

Vern: "Hey I think we beat that Notre Dame team a few weeks ago. Boy I gotta tell you they weren't very nice to our cows when they came out of the stadium. They were tellin' us if they were an agricultrual school they would engineer some type of cow that could produce twice as much milk as ours."

Earl: "We're not sure where the city of Notre Dame is but we don't ever plan on visiting it."

RF is thinking: 'Boy what a couple of dummies not wonder they are lost.' "Hey what do you have in the trailer?"

Earl: "Cows, we were going to unload them at Spartan Stadium yesterday if the football team lost because someone said they wouldn't need the field for the rest of the century if they lost the game against those arrogant asses to the east."

RF: "Well I will tell you what boys right here is a football field and it appears nobody is using it. Why don't you unload your cows here and let them graze."

Vern: "Why that is mighty nice of you mister, what do you think Earl?"

Earl: "That's a hell've of an idea, I think we will do it."

Vern: "Look Earl it even has a roof over to protect our cows for the winter."

Earl: "Oh yeah another bonus. I'll tell you what Vern why don't you back up to that door and we'll unload 'em."

Vern: "I'm all over it Earl guide me in."

Earl: "Okay stop that's good, open the doors and let 'em go!"

Vern: "Look at 'em go, they're gonna love this."

Security Guard: "HEY YOU TWO STOP RIGHT THERE YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!"


To be continued....