A Trip to the Barbershop Part Duex

Well that didn't take long, the snow is back today. Yep 2" of the white stuff, enough snow that I had to shovel off my decks today. Doesn't it seem a little early? I wouldn't mind a little global warming sent this way if anyone has any to spare right now.

Saturday was time for another haircut and none to soon I might add. I had let it grow out a little and I was starting to look like a certain nephew who shall remain nameless. Well maybe it wasn't that bad but it sure felt like it. I have been getting my hair cut here in town since we moved here but I have never been satisfied with the barber. Every time I told him how I wanted it cut he would cut it the way he wanted. Frustrating. I procrastinated for a month longer than I should have trying to find a new barber so finally Friday night I got serious.

I started by getting online and googling barbershops in Fond Du Lac. You see I gave up hope trying to find a barbershop around here so I figured I would search the largest town close to us which is Fond Du Lac. My search found places like Sam's, Charlies, you know places that sound like barbershops. It also found hair salons, beauty parlors (I don't think so), and tanning salons. Tanning salons? I thought I was looking for a barbershop. Ah but one name stood out among all the others, a place called The Barbershop. Now for those of you that can still remember what you did more than 2 hours ago you might recall back in March I wrote a post about a place in Virginia I use to get my hair cut at called The Barbershop. Yippe kay yay could it be? Have I finally found what I have been missing in Virginia? Can this be the place when you walk in you pull yourself up to bar and watch the high definition plasma TV on the wall while you wait? Wood floors, lots of barber chairs, and mens magazines? Yes I said mens magazines no Red Book, or Glamour, or Seventeen here only Popular Mechanics, Sports Illustrated, and Field and Stream, real magazines. And as luck would have it there is one of these bad boys in Sheboygan too. So the decision was made, Saturday morning, opening day of deer season here in Wisconsin, I would venture to Sheboygan and get my hair cut.

Saturday morning I drove myself to Sheboygan in search of The Barbershop. It wasn't to hard to find since it was right across from the new Pig in Sheboygan. (For those of you not familar with the Pig it is a chain grocery store here in Wisconsin also known as Piggly Wiggly, dumb name for a grocery store huh?) So far so good, not a lot of cars in the parking lot today just as I had expected because like I said earlier it was the first day of gun deer season here in Wisconsin. I walked through the door and to my right are all the barber chairs all in their own individual stalls. To my left was what I wanted to see. The waiting area with two big screen plasma TV's, mens magazines, free peanuts to eat and you even get to throw the shells on the floor, free coffee and bottle water, yep this is how a waiting area should be.

For me the waiting area will have to wait for another day because today it's not busy and the hair cutter, barber, stylist, whatever says to me "Is this your first time here?"

Of course I answered "Yes."

"Well then let me explain" she says as I notice the almost perfect English in a completely understandable voice, "Over here....yak, yak yak....over there....yak, yak, yak...and finally right here...yak, yak, yak." Finally she says "Follow me."

It was nice to have a natural born, English speaking, full blooded American from Green Bay Wisconsin (I learned this as she was cutting my hair) explain things to me but I'm just here to get a hair cut how hard can that be?

She led me back to my own personal stall (kind of reminded me of a horse stall) and barber chair. "Hang your coat up there and have a seat." she says cheerfully.

Have you noticed I haven't once said "huh?" or "what?" to her. That's because I can understand every word she is saying to me, miracles do happen.

I settle into the barber chair and she spins me around and says "Here." She hands be a remote control to a TV. "You get your own privite high definition plasma TV to watch while I cut your hair."

"SWEEEEET! What channel is ESPN? I want to watch Sports Center."

I'm not sure what good this did me since I had to take off my glasses and I couldn't see a damn thing after that.

She asks "How do you want your hair cut?"

Me: "Short."

Stylist (Isn't that what they call lady barbers?): "You sure?"

I'm not sure she wanted to cut my hair off like I wanted so I responded "Yeah I haven't had a hair cut for a while because I couldn't find a barber that would cut it the way I want it cut."

Stylist: "Okay I will cut it like I cut my fiancé 3/4" long all over."

Me: "I want it cut with a number 4 guard on top and a number 2 guard on the sides."

Stylist: "You sure that's pretty short?"

Me: "Listen I'm here because the last barber I went to didn't listen to me and always cut my hair the way he wanted to."

Stylist: "Ok short it is."

Now things are going pretty normal for the type of haircut I usually get. Buzz off the hair, trim the eyebrows, trim the ear and nose hair, good conversation and ESPN Sports Center playing in the background. Life is good, I found a barber shop I like.

Normally this is where my barber shop story ends but not today we're just getting started.

Just about the time I think we're done she spins me around in the barber chair and says "Lean back."

Me: "Whoa where we going here?"

Stylist: "I'm going to wash your hair."

Now for some of you people out there this might seem normal but for me the only people ever to wash my hair are my mother and myself and I got to tell you I didn't enjoy it when my mother washed my hair she scrubbed so hard it used to hurt.

When she tipped me back I wasn't sure how far I was going but I had comfort in knowing I couldn't go any farther then the floor. For some reason either I am to tall or too short but my head on the first try didn't line up with her head washing sink. Finally after a couple of adjustments success.

While she was washing my hair she suds up my hair and starts to message my head and face. I think she is trying to get me to relax but I got to tell you I hate people touching me especially when I'm not sure what is going to happen next. I found out later this is part of the haircut I'm not sure why but it is and we'll leave it at that. I was starting to enjoy it when she quit and rinsed off my hair. My hair gets washed, without any more incidents and it didn't even hurt, while the stylist (I just can't call her a barber) is gabbing away. She then dries my hair off.

At this point I have my eyes closed because I didn't want her to poke me or get shampoo in my eyes. When I finally open them I see the stylist coming at me with a rolled up towel. She forms it into an 'O' and lays it on my face. It's warm and its actually feels pretty darn good. I'm not sure what is going to happen next, legal or illegal, but she starts to message me again and it's starting to feel really good. Just about the time I think I could doze off she rips off the towel, kicks up the barber chair and takes off the garment they put on you when you get your hair cut. But she's not done yet off to my left she plugs in some vibrating device and starts to move it all over my shoulders and back. What a way to end a hair cut.

I finally get up out of the barber chair and for some strange reason I have a craving for a cigarette. I follow her up to the cash register and she asks me "Are you paying with cash or credit? If you pay cash it's $10.00 and if you pay by credit it's $10.50."

I tell her "Cash" and also give her a $2 tip and walk back out into the cold trying figure out what just happened all I wanted was a haircut.

I might have to go back again this Saturday and see if I can figure it out.

Yippe Kay Yay.